It's almost been a year since you've heard from me. Man, that went fast. I know that's a cliché, but shit, life goes by in a blip. It's not that I didn't want to say hello (HELLO!); it's just that I have been in a deep cave of reflection, and excavation. For the first time in my life, I have unrelentingly focused on one thing and have spent the past year unraveling it - peeling the onion to discover its treasures.

As I quickly approach being alive for half a century (two more years in my 40s, wtf!) - things are finally coming to light. I can get a bird's eye view of my life thus far. Why I did this or that, why I haven't done this or that, why I was stuck in patterns that didn't serve me, and how I am the only one who can change my trajectory. Usually, it takes a dramatic life event to kick you in the ass to finally have an honest look at your life and check in to see if you are truly happy living it. The last significant moment of realizing and shifting my reality was the end of my first marriage. In reflection, I was married to a man I was more in love with trying to "help" than anything else. He was suffering from battling his own demons, and I somehow thought I had control over them. So, my dramatic event came when I left him. It was as if a light had switched in my mind, and I could see what had been hiding in the darkness for so long. I could also clearly see, that he was the cumulation of all the repetitive patterns of all my past relationships up until that point. I recognized, embraced, and let it go - vowing to end my historical pattern. Finally, realizing that HE was not my battle to win - I was.

But, I digress, I am going on a tangent (shocker) - yes, I know I am long-winded - deal with it. My point: sometimes moments of realization creeps up on you and disguises itself as a destructive pattern, or sometimes (in my case now) it takes taking a break from the acting hustle to have children and then coming back to the business as a middle-aged woman with a different perspective and vision of the career I have always desired but was never confident enough to pursue. So, I write to you all to share an insight about the project I have worked diligently on for the past year (developing a screenplay). A story I was (and still am) deeply inspired to tell but didn't know how to go about telling it and was trapped for months of insecure falsehoods even to begin. I thought I needed "someone more qualified to do it" as I didn’t think I could pull it off alone. But, here I am, many months and many many hours later - I did it.

However, in retrospect, and even more important than the actual project itself, is that I wouldn't have grown as a woman (and writer) if I didn’t commit to just doing the work. Cause, like it or not, the only way to grow in this life is to challenge yourself. Challenge yourself with things you are not versed in and desire to be - especially things you think you can do but have yet to attempt. Or things you think you are trapped inside of, and searching for a way to escape. I know that sometimes it's impossible to start whence crippled with a lack of confidence, fear of failure, overall insecurities of not being good enough - blah blah blah - but the only remedy I have found to help with this - is to begin. Commit to yourself and start. That's it. That is the key to it all - the work. Keep at it through every challenge. The highs and the lows, the struggles and failures, the breakthroughs and successes - cause, in the end, perseverance and dedication keep us going to the finish line. And, the best part is if you desire it and work hard - the work doesn't feel like work but the passion of the pursuit.

As the brilliant Leo Tolstoy wrote in his breathtaking novel Anna Karenina, "Pleasure lies not in discovering the truth, but in searching for it." That's just it—the journey. So, I'm here to remind you, encourage you, to ask yourself what you want and desire from this life of yours. And once you find it, take a deep breath, put your big girl panties on, sit your ass down (or stand your ass up), and get to work. Jump the damn chasm. I promise you; it's not as wide as you think.

The work

Moments

Let them eat crap